Control

Seventy-two days until I turn 19 years old. Nineteen years old, and I STILL am not in control of my own life. It may be because my grandmother is a psychotic control freak, who may have some type of OCD, I don't know, but for once in my life, I just want it to be MY life. I'm tired of being told what to do and  when to do it, when I already work my ass off and ask for nothing in return except for some downtime on weekends and after school, but I still get nagged at in between then. Once I get enough transfer credits, I'm so out of here. I've been looking into study abroad programs, and the theatre program in the UK is in Hull, and I want to go so bad.
It's like my grandma doesn't get the fact that I'm almost 19. She still treats me like I'm 12. I just want to get out and do my own thing, but I always feel guilty, and obligated to owe my grandma everything.

Though, are we ever really in control of our own life? Do we ever get to live our life for us? When your a kid you get told what to do by grown ups, because what the say goes, no matter what. You're told by teachers and schools when to do homework, what classes you HAVE to take, and how long you have to go to school. Then when you get older, and you get a job, and you have to do what your boss says. You may love what your doing, but even then, are you truly doing it for you? In between that, you maybe get married, have kids, and you have to cater to that. Your life is never truly your own. I know this sounds selfish, but I think everyone gets to deserve to live their life the way they want to live it.

I hate the feeling of loneliness, but god, it feels so good to come home to an empty house. I like the quiet, especially in this house. Sometimes, I wish that when I get home and close the door to my room, that my room just becomes this room of solitary confinement. A place where I can reflect, rest, and do things on my own terms. But, before I can even soak in the downtime, my portal is opened and I have to answer to the needs of the world.