MockingJay, new friends, more school, and loneliness.

Today has been a very "blah" mood. I woke up not feeling well, and my mood has just dampened throughout the day. I've just been irritable, and sad. Every little thing seems to set me off today. I've just been feeling so incredibly lonely. I miss my friends. I have no one to talk to in college. Absolutely no one. In between classes I sit by myself under shaded trees and just read until my next class starts. I just can not seem to make a bond with anyone. I miss my friends. I miss seeing them everyday. I miss sharing jokes and stuff with people who understand. I miss being with people who actually understand me. I hardly see Sadaf anymore, and we're still in the same town. I am so filled with jealousy when people update their statuses/twitter/dailybooth/etc. saying how much of a good time they're having in college I mean, I'm happy for them, but I'm so insanely jealous that they seem to be living it up while I'm stuck at home...not living it up. For merlin's sake, I don't even have friends at my college. There's Heather and Sami, but they're a year and 2 years older than me, and their classes are when I have break. I do have my costuming class with Sami, but that's it. I love Heather and Sami, but we've never really bonded as much as me and my other friends. They're great people, don't get me wrong. I love hanging out with them, but I miss my friends from last year.
   And it's not that I even miss high school, because I don't. I hated high school, but I made the most best friends ever.
   I feel like I just completely failed myself. I feel like I didn't try hard enough to get away. I feel like I'm going to end up like my mom and stay in this god forsaken hicktown forever, and oh god, everything is just caving down on top of me and I'm gasping desperately for air. My mind has just been trailing off so much lately, and I can hardly make coherent sentences anymore. I hardly talk to anyone anymore. I just keep to myself. Why do I do this?
I miss you. I miss you so much. I'm fooling no one but myself. I miss you. I hate missing something that was, and never will be mine.
I guess I've become so used to the feeling of loneliness, that it's become the only thing I know how to feel. Loneliness and missing you. I guess they go hand in hand.
How am I going to make it out of this labyrinth with my sanity intact? How will I make it out alive? I wonder if I'll meet the same fate as Alaska. Straight and Fast, but will I be the destruction of myself? I fear it, I really do.
  Okay, for the sake of depressing anyone who is reading this, I'll talk about the good things about my day.
My copies of MockingJay and Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour, Volume 6 finally arrived in the mail. I've been waiting forever, and now I can finally read MockingJay! I'm so excited, gah. I love The Hunger Games trilogy.
   School was nice today. Laid back. I was really exhausted for some reason. I guess feeling ill had something to do with that. My theatre teacher is so funny and always has the best lectures. Today he talked about how much he liked Michael Cera. xD Anyone who likes Michael Cera, I like them. :]
  I have recently made a new friend named Vanessa. I seriously think our souls were like, separated from each other at one point in time, because seriously, she is JUST like me. We like all the same stuff, and have all the same thoughts, views, and pretty much agree on everything. She's just fantastic. I met her through Youtube and she lives all the way in Massachusetts, but she's one of the first people to comment on my first video and say how much she likes it and that I should keep it up.:] We talk everyday on Skype. :] She makes videos as well, and has a rad singing voice.
   Well, I should be going to bed soon, but I'm not really that tired because I took a small nap today, so I'm going to watch Drop Dead Diva, then read, then maybe bed.
Good night.

The Emmy's, Back to the Future, and my future.

I've seriously just sat here staring at this page for 20 minutes. I hate not having anything to write about, or anything important to say about my day. So, I distracted myself by watching a bit of Youtube, and making tea. I decided I should just write about SOMETHING and get it over with. I don't know how I'm going to do this everyday for a whole year.....
   Today was filled of nothing but much too sleep, reading, and t.v. watching. I went to bed really early last night, well, early for me, and woke up around 1 p.m.! I love weekends. I woke up feeling rather ill, and I'm still not feeling too hot, so I'm drinking like gallons of tea.
   The Emmy's were on today, and it got me thinking about how much I love acting and why I love it. I know a lot of people don't like award shows, but I'm absolutely in love with them. The Emmy's, The Oscars, the Tony's.... I just love them. I like them, because they're not just for the fans, but for the actors and actresses to see how much we appreciate them. Many people may think that "oh, these actors don't need anymore 'appreciation' blah blah blah" but really, I think they do. I mean it's obvious that since their shows are still on air, or their movies are making money, that they have fans, but I bet nothing feels as great as holding that award in your hands, knowing that people actually admire something you put a lot of effort into and love to do. And that's what I love about acting, because there will always be people who really really appreciate your acting, and it makes it all seem worth it. As long as there are people who appreciate what I do, I know it will all be worth it in the end. I mean, like, I act because I LOVE it. I act because I want to act. If no one came and saw anything I was in, well, that would be okay, because I love what I'm doing. But the fact that an audience shows up and appreciates what you're doing, well, that's something else. And that is why I love theatre so much.
    All of this led me up to thinking about my future and about how much I want to be apart of an award show one day. I think I would be best suited for the Tony Awards, because I love stage/musical theatre so much, but even being at the Oscars or Emmy's would be nice. ;D One day....one day.... I will work my ass off to make it to that point. And I'll do it respectfully.
   And of course, with all this future talk, Back to the Future as been on for the past three days. The first part was on on Friday, the second on Saturday, and the third was on today. Of course I watched them because, duh, it's Back to the Future! I haven't watched them in sooo long. I forgot how much I loved that movie. For some reason I don't own the dvds....:[ I'll have to buy them soon.
   I've been re-reading Catching Fire because my copy of MockingJay still hasn't came in the mail. :/ This makes me upset. I want to read it now! I've just been glad that I haven't come across any spoilers. Now I have to finish reading Phaedo for my Philosophy class tomorrow.
Catch you on the flip side.
(oh, and I've made it through a whole week!)

Shopping, Kinder, and art.

This is actually coming to you before midnight! :] I'm extremely tired though, so the content may not be amazing.
   Today, I went shopping with my nana and it was nice. :] We went to Aaron Brothers located in a town fairly close to mine, because I needed art supplies for my Costuming class.  I bought sketch books, acrylics, PrismaColor coloured pencils, and one of those moveable wooden figurines to study the shapes and movement of the body (which I definitely need for costuming). After we took care of that, we walked over to the World Market store which was neighbouring Aaron Brothers. World Market is like this big grocery/furniture/kitchenware/random things store that has different types of foods and etc. imported from other countries. I love this store because they always have all of the asian candy that I love. I don't get to go to it a lot though because there isn't one in my town.:[ Anyway, I found some delicious Kinder Chocolate Happy Hippos which I would always buy when we stopped at Petrol stations when I went on a tour of Europe two years ago. You can't find Kinder chocolate like...ANYWHERE in the States so I was immensely happy. :3 Kinder is great. I was going to buy Kinder Bueno to try it, but I decided to go with the Hippos. haha. I also bought some delicious Nori rice crackers mix which I love, and this pomegranate soda imported from Italy. Both were soooo good. Oh, and I also got an adorable mushroom( the kind from Super Mario!) tin that has little, tiny mushroom shaped candies in it.:D
    Then we drove back to my town and went to Joann's Fabrics because my nana wanted some ribbon and I needed metal chains for these necklaces I made. I also bought some Sculpey clay so I can make some cute figurines.... I just don't know what I should make yet... Joann's is located in our pretty much only decent shopping center and there's like a Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Costco, Khol's, Ross, Old Navy, Payless Shoes, and some other stores. My nana and I saw that shoes at Payless were on sale so we, of course, as shoe obsessors, were like 3@%FDGKJTY#Trt#@%$%#%&YEF SHOES, and went in. I came out with three pairs of shoes and she came out with one. xD I got this AMAZINGLY awesome brown boots, these cute denim flats, and a comfy pair of moccasins. I'm so in love with the boots. <3
    We made our way home after that, and I ended up falling asleep for a few minutes on the couch downstairs because I was outrageously tired. My nana woke me up and told me to go upstairs, which is where I am at now, cuddled in my comforter because it's actually cold outside!! You do not realise how excited I am for cold weather. It's been one of the hottest summers we've ever had (Wednesday it was like 104 degrees), and today it was only about 74. It was nice and windy, but it didn't rain.:[ Rainy weather needs to come soon.  Anyway, I am very tired, so I am going to read for a bit, then doze off.
I couldn't stay up long enough to watch Back to the Future Part II on t.v., but luckily I can record it on my DVR. :3 But honestly, why the hell do I not own those movies?!?! I have them on VHS...but I need them on DVD.
Here's a picture of some of the stuff I got today:

Goodnight!

I always lose track of time.

It's weird that the days I don't have school, I always seem to lose track of time. But today was a pretty dull day, so there really is nothing to report. I quite enjoy not having classes on Friday, because, warming up to the whole getting used to waking up early and going to classes throughout the week really has exhausted me. I forgot how difficult it was for me to wake up and actually go to school.:/ At least I actually like university though. High school was so...ugh. At least I'm studying things that I actually want to. So, yes, this is late, but, meh.
   My nana and I were going to go shopping today because I found these really cute boots on discount the other day, but didn't have enough money to get them, and we just want to shop around and such. I also have to go to an art supplies store and pick up acrylics and pastels and other art stuff for my Costuming class. We were both extremely tired and exhausted this morning though, from work and school, so we decided to make plans for later today.
   I went back to bed after waking up at 9 a.m. after falling asleep at 4 a.m., and slept until FOUR P.M. I guess I really was tired haha.
  I did absolutely nothing today except lay around and re-read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone because my pre-ordered copy of MockingJay still hasn't arrived. D:<  I also watched Back to the Future today, which is the extent of my fun today. So, I don't really have much to tell you lovely readers. Maybe tomorrow (or, er, later today), but for now, for some reason, I'm still tired, so I'm going to sleep.

Quick blog about information

I just made my first youtube video addressing my future self hereee!
my dailybooth, where I pretty much update with a photo daily unless I look gross or I'm busy is here.
My twitter account, where I do most of the talking, is here!
My tumblr in which I post random things, mainly that consist of Harry Potter, Doctor Who, and Nerdfighteria is here.
You know, just incase you wanted to know.:]

Pokemon theme song, Costuming design class, first week survival.

So, I should probably refrain from dancing like a maniac to the Pokemon theme song downstairs, because occasionally my family likes to come downstairs....Ahem, anyway, To the blog-mobile!(and hey, it's not late!)

    Today was a pretty simple day at school. I only have one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it's my Costuming class. If you read my blog from Tuesday, you'll see that I missed the class that day because I got the times wrong because I'm a failboat.xD There's only like 10 of us in the class, and I really like the teacher. She's from Montreal and she has a tiny hint of an accent and I like it. :] I thought the class was going to be pretty basic, like learning how to sew clothes

(sorry, I had to pause to get tea. We got a new kettle which boils the water super fast and I don't know why but even though our old kettle boiled the water as well, the new kettle makes the tea SO MUCH BETTER. Gah, I love tea....back to our scheduled program..)

Anyway, I thought it was going to be basic stuff, like sewing and putting iffy costumes together, but no, we're actually going to be designing the costumes for Romeo and Juliet that we are going to be putting on this year. First, the teacher started off by giving us a standard "Da Vinci" model that looks like this:

She had us trace it into our sketch books, which I was okay with, because, well, it's tracing and I can do that, haha. Then, after we did that, she made us free-hand it and I was like "er4tWIrhg$#%YTED" and made mine so disporportionate.

I mean, damn, girl's got stems! haha xD The legs are super long... blegh. After we were finished doing THAT, she told us now that we were going to do timed sessions where she would stand on a block, assume a position, and we would have to draw the shape of her body in ten seconds. She said we could start with stick figures with the ten second session, but then she asked other people to come up and model with 30 seconds, then a minute, then 5. She made us be really detailed when we got to the 5 minute sketches. I didn't realise how intense and stressful this was going to be for me until I remembered that I CAN'T DRAW WORTH #@$#%.
Here are my sad timed sketches:

They look like cave drawings. haha. Now, lastly, she had us pick a costume out of one of her costume design books and try our best and free-handing a costume. I chose a simple sketching, not a big elaborate thing, because I wouldn't be able to do it. xD I'm decent when it comes at looking at a picture and mimicking it, but when it comes to my own free-hand, I'm just complete shite. I chose an 18th century dress, because I love that era. Here's what it looked like:

It was actually a pretty intense class and wore me out, but I didn't take my nap today.:/
   Since that was my only class for the day, I headed home, and wow, I'm such a loser. xD It seriously took me, I kid you not, TWENTY minutes to locate my car. I could not find it for the longest time. I mean, how hard is it to misplace a tiny red car with an Autobot Transformer sticker on the gas lid?! Only me.....sigh...When I got home I edited my "Dear Future Jordyn" video for a while, because I've been busy this week and have had no time to edit it. But I am determined to get it finished tonight! At 3 I had a hair appointment (finally), and cut it a bit shorter again. It so much easier to manage when it's short. It just bugs me when it gets long. Then I came home and have been editing ever since. Oh, I did order some Toms shoes in between that. Their awesome shoes with a great cause. If you buy a pair, the company sends a pair of shoes to kids that don't have any.
    My pre-ordered copy of MockingJay hasn't come yet, which is upsetting me. Everyone I know that reads the Hunger Games trilogy has pretty much finished it, and I can't discuss it, and I have to be extra careful around the internet incase of spoilers. SEND IT TO ME NAO, AMAZON!
    I just got my financial aid all fixed and accepted and wow, oh my god, they are paying for my entire year at university. :') When I told my grandma, I was honestly crying because I had no idea how we were going to afford it, because I only got $200 of scholarship money from Theatre and Choir and that hardly covers the cost of books. I'm so relieved, and so incredibly thankful. Good things do happen to people who have patience and wait. <3 I'm so thankful, so so thankful.
All in all, my first week at university has been quite the success, except for the little mishap on Tuesday, but all is well. I don't have class on Fridays so my weekend starts now! :D And then auditions for my first university production are on Monday and Tuesday...I'm quite nervous.
Thank you to whoever takes the time to read my banters, I love you guys. <3

First Impressions, the "after life", and an incredible girl named Esther.

(I know this is late, but it's been a long day and I took an extremely long nap.)
This is probably going to be short because I'm still tired, but yeah, here goes my day.

Today in theatre, the teacher wanted us to assemble ourselves into two lines in alphabetical order, while he waited outside until we were done. Now, there were 60 of us, so you can imagine that it was quite hard to manage two lines in a tiny class room. And, as most experiences in life goes, there will always be that one person who tries to take control of the situation. She seemed harmless at first, you know. just trying to get us in order, but then she started barking orders, and made the situation much more difficult than it actually was. I mean, come on, alphabetical lines. I think we know the alphabet and how to make lines by now. But the fact that people already made the assumption that they did not want to listen to her because she seemed like she was going to be the diva of the class, made me think about how important first impressions really are. Now, I'm not going to say "Oh god, I can't stand that girl" because it's only been the second day of class, though, I can say that as of now I'm not very keen to her. Who knows though. The year just has to unfold. Maybe she could genuinely be an okay person, but today her first impression on the class wasn't very great, and that's what people immediately make assumptions on. I like the fact of getting to know people, but even if I don't quite like the first impression I get of them, I will still have a slight resistance towards them. We all do it. I do think first impressions are important because it's the foundation of new relationships.
     Later, in Philosophy, we discussed Plato's Phaedo and about Socrates views on death and how he sees the afterlife. Talking about the afterlife is kind of a touchy subject, because it goes along the lines on whether you have religious beliefs, and what you think of about the after life. But he made us just write for about ten minutes about our views on the afterlife, and if we believe in it or not, and why we do. I wrote quite a lot about it for it being only ten minutes, but yeah, I do believe in some type of after life. I think our souls have been sort of recycled, and that our views, beliefs, and relationships with people all have to do with our past experiences. Anyway, yeah, I don't want to get that much into that, because it all depends on personal belief, but I quite enjoy Philosophy already.

    Now, lastly, I want to talk about a brilliant, young girl named Esther. I unfortunately have never had the opportunity to know Esther Earl personally, but she was so involved in the online community that I'm involved in, that it was hard NOT to know who Esther was. And now, even more unfortunately, I won't ever get the chance to personally meet Esther, because yesterday morning, August 25th, around 5 a.m., dear Esther passed away after battling cancer. She was 16. Esther was, without a doubt, an incredibly special, intelligent, lively, brave, loving, and magnificent person, and she will be truly missed. Esther was a huge part of the Nerdfighter community, and all Nerdfighters knew who she was, and couldn't help but love her. She never made having cancer the defining factor of her life, and she did all she possibly could to fight to decrease world suck. With Esther, the Nerdfighter community took matters into our own hands to vote for  the non-profit charity organisation called the HP Alliance to win $250,000 in the Chase Community Challenge, which they did. Esther gave us the push, and because of her, world suck decreased. She helped run one of my favourite tumblr blogs, EffYeahNerdfighters!, as well as always putting a smile on my face when I watched her Youtube channel. Esther Earl, our wands are raised in respect for you. We will never Forget To Be Awesome, because that's what you would have wanted. Rest in Awesome, we will never forget you. As Kayley(owlssayhooot) quoted the great Albus Dumbledore in this video,"The ones we love never truly love us."

If you want to learn more about Esther, you should watch Kayley's video, watch this awesome video that John Green made with/about Esther back in July, read her blog here, and a beautiful post about her written here on The Leaky Cauldron website. If you do read any of those, especially her blog which her family has been updating now, please leave awesome, loving comments for her family.